How To Tell Your Partner That You’re Not A Bottom Anymore?

A mini-guide on setting your (not-so-straight) preferences straight.

Published On Feb 13, 2024 | Updated On Mar 08, 2024


People who have had enough candies (not the actual candy) in their life might know how this conversation is going to be like, but for folks who haven’t explored pound-town yet, here’s a little explanation. Tops are the givers; Bottoms are the receivers and Vers (short for versatile) like it both ways.

While fellas enjoy their preferences in penetrative sex and power dynamic play, it isn’t just limited to that. To understand your preferences better, you might want to try some test matches, power plays and one days with your partner/s. 

Image Credit: Elite Instagram

“Should I tell him? Will he be okay? He’s always been a top; I don’t know how he will react!”

My friend in a mildly hesitant and tense tone elucidating his concerns to me right before an unplanned trip with his partner. I had never come across such a question before, this made me reevaluate every-damn-thing I had ever done in a relationship. What if my partner is trying to tell me something like that? How will I react to it? What and how should they be confessing that it doesn’t sound rude but convincing?

And I find myself here making a list of things that one should consider while navigating this conversation. 

Of all the things that can go wrong, the worst that can happen is you confessing in a wrong situation at a wrong place. Gauge your partner’s mental state and capability to consume the information. You never know, it might all go well if you tell them when the time is right and so is the place. 

Before breaking this news to them, you might want to get your preferences straight. There can be more than one possibility,

1. You are a bottom, and you want to experiment being a top

2. You are a bottom wanting to experiment as a verse

3. You are a verse/bottom and want to top

Image Credit: Elite Instagram

Tips: You can slow launch yourself to them as a verse and then eventually as a (top)not a bottom anymore. Might reduce the shock effect.

Figuring out what one wants is necessary for a clear concise confession, you don’t want to confuse them even before they start to consider.

They are okay with it and open to experiment.

They aren’t okay and y’all need to talk (not a good talk).

But do not forget that one deserves the world even if they stop wanting to bottom anymore. Kudos! if they’re okay but if they aren’t, be sure to tell them that preferences and changes don’t define your love for them, you still value the connection and dynamics you two already have. 

Image Credit: Elite Instagram

CPR (Comfort, Patience, and Reassurance)

CPRs do save relationships! The first step is considering each other’s comfort levels. You both might not be on the same page, comfort-wise, that’s when patience needs to kick in. Be patient with them, they might take some time to adjust to the new drift in your relationship. And as a member of the pound-town, I confirm, patience is the key! 

My partner once asked me for an ‘I love you’ and I told them that I’ve said it like a million times in the past already. They replied in a very dominating yet pleading voice, “Idc! You must tell me again even if I ask for the 10000000th time!” That's when I realised that reassurance has superpowers; a few heartfelt words can truly succour your partner. So folks remember, give your partner a big CPR post confession! 

Image Credit: Elite Instagram

Oh! By the way, my friend came up with an even better idea. On their trip, the couple obviously were pilgrimaging pound-town, and on the way my friend smoothly showed his partner that he doesn’t want to take the back seat anymore, he wants to take the wheel in his own hands, he worked it in such a way that without even uttering a word they both understood the assignment. The partner let him drive. And boy did they drive!

Apparently, if you’re too scared to tell your partner, just show them. While having some private time with your partner, slip it in like a smooth operator. You can slowly take the lead and see how your partner reacts then put them in the back seat while you drive. They might actually be interested in experimenting and what if it goes all well?

You won’t know unless you do it so go head, tell them, explore Smashville. 

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