Nobody is ever truly alone for very long with that one friend of theirs. They switch partners so often that it's hard to keep up.
Although it may be shocking at times, it is also part of a larger cultural trend: due to falling marriage rates, the majority of us will have multiple intimate relationships during our lifetimes. Renowned psychiatrist Esther Perel brought attention to the fact that monogamy has evolved from meaning one partner for life to one person at a time. However, experts concur that there exists a boundary between a few committed relationships and "serial monogamy," which refers to an endless cycle of partners.
What is serial monogamy?
The duration between partnerships is more indicative of serial monogamy than the total number of them. Adrienne L. Marshall, a licensed marital and family therapist, defines serial monogamy as "the act of constantly moving from one relationship to another without taking any time to heal, grow, and reflect." "Any relationship duration, be it six months or six years, will be met with the same response from a serial monogamist: straight into another relationship."
After a long-term relationship ends, the majority of people will spend a few months to a few years dating casually or being single. In contrast, a serial monogamist will probably never be single for more than a few months at the most. Until they find someone else to date, they could wait to end things with their existing companion.
What leads to serial monogamy?
Many factors, some encouraging and others concerning, might lead to serial monogamy. For some, the freedom to choose a new romantic partner is a badge of pride, but for those struggling with attachment disorder or another mental health issue, it may be more of a need.
Marriage institution economists have shown that serial monogamy is on the rise among affluent women. Therefore, women have discovered that they can end relationships and pursue new ones as they have become stronger by taking control of their own lives. Additionally, serial monogamy could be a symptom of underlying mental health difficulties. People with disorders like narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder, which make them need a lot of support and attention, are usually to blame.
Some children develop an unhealthy fear of abandonment if they do not have parents who can consistently provide for their needs. This sets the stage for an anxious attachment style in later life, where the individual seeks constant human interaction and may even engage in serial monogamy. Although monogamists commit to only one partner at a time, they frequently provide themselves space to heal after breakups. Contrarily, a serial monogamist only ever sleeps with one partner at a time and never lets themselves grieve or move on. They don't allow themselves enough time to grieve the breakup and immediately start dating again.
How to identify a serial monogamist
- The transition from a casual to a serious relationship happens swiftly.
- The distance between partnerships is minimal.
- They go on to the committed phase of a relationship without first getting to know their companion.
- According to those close to them, a serial monogamist is always in a committed relationship.
- There may be healthy individuals among serial monogamists, and many people experience periods of serial monogamy. Those who engage in serial monogamy are not immune to marriage or committed partnerships.
How to break the pattern of serial monogamy
Serial monogamy isn't a problem, but attachment disorders can arise when people feel bad about being single or can't commit to one partner for long. You need to examine your actions and their origins if you want to break the pattern. Also, figure out what patterns in your relationships are keeping you from committing to one partner for the long haul, or work on improving your emotional abilities so you can spend more time alone.
For this, it might be helpful to speak with a mental health expert. To overcome attachment disorders and establish new, healthier patterns in relationships, it may be helpful to establish a relationship with a qualified therapist. A therapist can also assist you in determining whether you are a serial monogamist. Relationship improvement is within your reach if you are willing to acquire new skills and establish healthy limits.