True to its name, relationship anarchy is characterised by a lack of clear guidelines. There is no clear demarcation between sexual, romantic, and platonic interactions under this framework since all relationships are fluid. Crucially, relationship anarchists don't use societal terms like "partner," "friend," or "lover" to describe their relationships. The emphasis here is on relationships within a community rather than on individual relationships, and the framework is centred on shattering social norms surrounding relationships.
The history of relationship anarchy
Andie Nordgren popularised the term "relationship anarchy" (RA) to describe a philosophy of relationships that borrows ideas from political anarchy. Its central premise is that partners in any kind of relationship—romantic or otherwise—should be free to choose their boundaries. From couple to couple, the nature of such connections could differ substantially. Relationship anarchists generally agree on a few things, though. First, romantic partners shouldn't be seen as more important than friends. Second, there shouldn't be any predetermined rules for how a relationship should be structured. Third, monogamy is not necessarily required.
One reason for the growing popularity of relationship anarchy is that it addresses the rising sense of loneliness in modern society. Almost 20% of young people who participated in a recent survey by the non-monogamous and queer dating app Feeld reported having experimented with relationship anarchy. They felt less alone and more emotionally attached, with stronger and more diverse ties than they had with conventional dating, according to several of them.
Relationship anarchist meaning
Anarchy in relationships does not mean a lack of order or closeness. This philosophical framework challenges relationship labels and hierarchies. A relationship anarchist is someone who rejects the idea of socially prescribed categories like "best friend," "partner," or "spouse" in favour of the free and voluntary formation of relationships based on mutual needs. Until the two of you come to a consensus, there are no ground rules. There will be no presumptions about exclusivity, no demands to define the connection, and no ranking of romantic relationships above all others.
Polyamory vs relationship anarchy
While both polyamory and relationship anarchy involve having multiple romantic or emotional relationships, relationship anarchy goes further by rejecting all rules and limitations. Primary partners or established limits are common features of polyamory. In contrast, relationship anarchy is characterised by a complete lack of rules and regulations. Independence, mutual regard, and creating one's path to a partner are key concepts. Many see relationship anarchy as a kind of polyamory, or more specifically, as an extreme form of egalitarian polyamory. So, both types of relationships have more than one person with an intimate or passionate bond. Relationship anarchy and polyamory vary primarily in two respects. To start, there is a distinct hierarchy within relationship anarchy, in contrast to polyamory, which is more of a catch-all word for many types of ENM partnerships. Most significantly, anarchist relationships reject the concept of a "romantic sex-based relationship hierarchy."
How do I navigate my way around relationship anarchy?
The societal norm for normal romantic partnerships states that the absence of sexual components in platonic friendships and the degree of commitment and obligation towards each other are the key distinguishing features of romantic relationships. These considerations contribute to the widespread belief that infidelity occurs when one spouse engages in sexual relations with another. Using sex as a criterion to distinguish or give preference to romantic relationships over platonic ones is unnecessary in relationship anarchy since no one has any idea what a healthy romantic relationship should be like.
Okay, I’m convinced! How do I apply this to my relationship?
Great question! For non-traditional relationships, relationship anarchy can be a great way to explore beyond the confines of the social construct of a romantic relationship. But how do you do it? We’ve broken it down for you!
- First, ask yourself these questions
- When looking for a partner, what are your most important requirements?
- For you, what are the absolute must-haves?
- According to relationship anarchists, you should picture your perfect relationship in your head and seek out others who share that vision. Who shares my ideas?
2. Second, communicate needs and boundaries
Effective communication is the cornerstone of every thriving relationship. It is possible to make sure that both partners are happy in a relationship by talking about the many parts of it, including expectations, limits, and wants. One of the manifesto's pillars is that, in order to avoid traps, such as letting harmful criticism prevent a good connection from emerging outside of the norm, communication is vital.
3. Third, make sure you provide a safe environment
We may love as many individuals as it seems natural to us, according to this theory of love. Relationship anarchy is a problem due to its intrinsic opposition to the societal norm of partnerships. For this reason, it's important to provide a safe environment where people may express themselves emotionally and physically. A place where curiosity and openness are valued above all else, free from criticism and preconceived notions.