If you are curious about the internet’s new take on toxic behaviour in relationships, you have arrived at the right place! Internet dating presents a complex social landscape. Ghosting and love bombing are only two of the many new terms used to describe the dynamic nature of contemporary romantic relationships. But what is this latest trend of floodlighting? This new phrase is gaining popularity, right? Toxic behaviour in relationships has a new cloak, and we’re here to unveil it!
So, what is floodlighting?
As a dating fad, "floodlighting" occurs when one partner reveals very intimate and often emotionally charged things to the other early on in the relationship to establish a strong connection right away. Floodlighting expedites emotional connection, often for questionable motives, as opposed to the slow but steady vulnerability that emerges organically with time.
What are the signs of floodlighting in a relationship?
A sincere desire to connect is usually behind floodlighting, yet it might have unintended consequences. Picture a first date where "the spark" is instant: they laugh at your jokes, their eyes light up when they see you, and by the third drink, the talk is flowing. You ask yourself, "Why not?" since they seem receptive and welcoming. At one point, you're making light of a tripping incident by telling the students a humorous anecdote. Your date was unprepared to hear about the awful bullying memories that followed, and before you knew it, you had delved into it.
If you repeatedly bring up very personal topics in the initial chat, such as a previous breakup, traumatic experiences from your upbringing, or issues with your mental health, you may be engaging in floodlighting. Take the hypothetical situation where you meet someone on a dating app and decide to get out for drinks a few days later. While on the date, you start opening up about your past, including the traumatic events of your parents' divorce and other formative years. After that, you dwell on the ways it still affects you now, such as how it makes you question loyalty and love, how it makes you nervous about dating, etc. Simultaneously, you closely monitor the other person's reactions to assess their tolerance and capacity to manage you. A common misconception is that being open and vulnerable will lead to immediate closeness, which causes some individuals to overshare excessively. Oversharing, instead of deepening relationships, could cause the other person to withdraw emotionally.
The unpleasant consequences of floodlighting
Developing trust in a new relationship is an important first step in opening up to that person. However, when someone floods, they often want an instant emotional return, hoping that their date will also reveal their weaknesses. Envision yourself completely absorbed in telling your date a personal tale, so much so that you don't even notice when they're silent. Looking up, you anticipate empathy and comprehension, but what you get is bewilderment, discomfort, or complete lack of interest. Just because you were upfront with them doesn't mean they would reciprocate. However, the sensation of connection has been replaced with an uncomfortable quiet. What was once a carefree and pleasant experience is now anxious and strange. You may even feel betrayed by how vulnerable you feel. Additionally, your date seems uncertain as to how to react.
Is there a way to navigate your way out of floodlighting?
Although showing vulnerability may help you connect with others, it can backfire if you use it to gauge their acceptance. Oversharing too soon might turn into a protective strategy, subtly seeking reassurance instead of connection, rather than fostering real closeness. Think about it: you've been chatting with a new person for a while, and so far, they seem ideal. They have all the qualities you've been seeking. Even as you eagerly anticipate your first date, the question "What if they don't like you as much as you like them?" persistently haunts your mind. You try it out to see if it helps with the uncertainties. You ease into it by sharing something simple and secure at first. In return, they reciprocate. Motivated, you delve further. Once again, they strike back. The next step is to reveal something very intimate. If you're convinced they're the one, you convince yourself, "They'll understand, won't they?"
This green flag isn’t flashy, but it’s the most important one
Another relationship dynamic that's been getting a lot of attention lately—the Michelangelo Phenomenon—highlights a deeper, more transforming kind of love, in contrast to flashy dating fads like floodlighting. This psychologically grounded idea proposes that, like Michelangelo sculpting a masterpiece from unfinished marble, the healthiest relationships are those in which partners embrace and enhance one another's unique qualities while also celebrating their differences. This contrasts sharply with toxic relationships that impede rather than foster personal development. Experts see finding a companion who encourages and pushes you to improve yourself as a significant "green flag" in contemporary dating. Discovering a relationship that fosters personal growth rather than merely intensifies emotions could be the key to a long-term commitment, as singles navigate the challenges of modern romance.