Breakups are painful, no matter how long they have lasted; they can be devastating, whether you're ending a long-term relationship or a brief affair. No matter how beneficial the decision was to split up, you may still miss the other person terribly within the tumultuous sea of complicated emotions that includes rage, regret, sadness, relief, and guilt. Going "no contact" with someone you spent a lot of time with is tough, but many relationship experts say it's the best way to heal your heart, keep things simple, and move on. Read on for "no contact" benefits and tips for resisting the urge to reconnect with an ex. If you are wondering about how to deal with a breakup, you have arrived at the right place!
So what is the “no contact rule”?
In accordance with its name, the "no contact rule" entails severing all ties with an ex-lover for an extended duration following a split, or perhaps indefinitely. So, there will be zero opportunity for contact, whether via phone, text, direct message, or even "accidentally" running into them at their go-to coffee shop. Many people who believe in the no contact rule also suggest that you should not engage in cyberstalking or ask a mutual friend for updates, and that you should block or mute your ex on all social media platforms.
Although it may sound drastic, cutting off all contact with a person is actually one of the greatest ways to recover after a breakup. This can help you from getting emotionally involved in dangerous situations again, such as sending drunken texts like "I miss you" that evolve into "Maybe we should get back together." Keep in mind that a no-contact rule doesn't always need to be in place indefinitely. The exact timeframe is unknown. If the thought of committing to a whole month seems too overwhelming, try starting with a shorter time frame and working your way up to a few weeks instead.
Breakup recovery 101- why the “no contact” rule works!
Breakups are unpleasant, difficult, and emotional roller coasters; it doesn't matter how long you dated or how nice the conclusion was. After a breakup, it's natural to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, helplessness, and confusion. Also, it's normal to think back on your relationship and the breakup.
By choosing to have "no contact" with the person, you allow yourself more time to grieve their departure healthily. You can heal your heart, accept the end of the relationship, and begin dating again when you're ready, with their support. You can avoid further anguish and confusion by adhering to the "no contact" rule, which also stops you from returning to the relationship. This limit may be hard at first, but it will help you stay on track.
When you're bored or lonely, it can be tempting to call your ex. A strict no-contact rule can help you fight that impulse. You will learn to live without this person, even if it is hard at first. All of these strategies can assist you in overcoming a breakup more swiftly than allowing it to fester and escalate into the challenging "we're friends!" territory. Keep in mind that there's always a good reason for a breakup, but if you're still in touch with your ex, it's tempting to think it would be better to get back together.
Rather than trying to divert yourself or soothe yourself by reaching out to your ex for dopamine hits after a breakup, which will probably just lead to more pain and confusion down the road, the no contact rule encourages you to sit with and process the end of a relationship.
Things you can do to accelerate breakup healing
To help you resist, here are a few things:
- Journal: Instead of contacting your ex whenever you feel the need, keep a notebook. If you're having trouble processing your feelings, writing them down could help.
- Talk to your friends: To avoid feeling tempted to contact your ex, it can be helpful to chat to trusted friends and family members about how you're feeling. In spite of life's challenges, the American Psychological Association (APA) says that maintaining social connections is one of the best ways to deal with stress and find happiness.
- Engage in interests: The moment to reinvest in oneself is now. Discover your true calling, explore new interests, and immerse yourself in positive routines that boost your self-esteem and happiness.
- Put your phone away: When we're bored, we often aimlessly flick through our phones, which increases the risk of contacting an ex or seeing what they're up to on social media. During these times of boredom, it's best if you can put your phone somewhere out of reach.
- Be candid with yourself: To locate the source of your temptation, ask yourself where these desires come from and what you gain by reconnecting. There might not be a solid rationale, as you'll discover. Taking some time for yourself and understanding how hard it is to resist the urge are two more methods to fight off the need to reconnect if answering those questions still makes you want to.